Mirror, Mirror - April 11, 2010

To my friends:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall…" You know the rest of it. The queen's mirror told her what she wanted to know until it realized that the truth was more important. The queen did not want to hear the truth and thus the fairy tale of Snow White. It's not easy to hear the truth at times and yet as Christians we are to have mirrors in our lives that tell us the truth. It's called accountability. That's the main reason that the church desires that members get into small groups and serve with others so that there is someone who sees what is going on and has the courage to tell the truth in love. If that does not happen, either because the group does not take up the call or the person does not listen, God may put us in isolation.
As I read the story of David, I see a deepening isolation from all that he had so that God could make the man he wanted David to become. David became an enemy in Saul's eyes and lost his political power. He was forced to leave his best friend, Jonathan and then leave his home and his wife. Eventually, he even had to leave Israel. It was several years before he returned to be king. Many of his greatest psalms were written during this time.

God had put David in isolation to remove all the distractions that might hinder him as king. Some of the things that he had to lose were pride and idol worship. Remember that his wife pretended he was in bed by putting one of the household idols there in his place. Therefore, we know that God had some work to do with the shepherd king before he could rule.

I would not think that this is an Old Testament tactic only or that God has changed. Lately, I have seen more isolation than usual. A friend of mine was placed in isolation when his child got sick and he had to spend two weeks at the hospital. Out of touch from the world except to go home, shower, and eat. No doubt, God used that time to move him to a different place. I don't know why or where, but because he is a man of God, I am sure that the time moved him to a godlier place.

A very successful preacher, that I truly respect and consider amazingly humble, recently asked for an eight-month leave of absence to deal with the sin of pride in his life. He credits his wife as an accurate mirror and guidance from the Holy Spirit to bring him to take this time. If I were near him, would I have seen it? Probably not. I didn't see it in his preaching, but I am not God nor am I his mirror. He has said many times that his wife is his mirror and she has always been truthful. He was smart enough to put himself in isolation before God did. It would have been very easy for him to continue in sin for five more years until he reached retirement. Then he and his wife could quietly and privately deal with whatever problem he saw in his life. That would be the low road and would prove to taint his teaching. It may also be that God would not allow it and the man would fall. God would create the isolation for him.

A couple close to me has been held stagnate in their ministry for a while. They are very devoted and want to move on, but have been stopped. Are they in isolation because they are depending on something specific to happen before their ministry can come to life? I don't know, but it certainly needs to be explored by them.
Lee and I have been put into a kind of isolation. For some it may be hard to see, but to us it is clear. I am in the midst of a four to five week radiation therapy. The regimen requires that we be at the City of Hope, in Duarte every weekday. We could commute each day, which would take from five to six hours daily, or we could stay at the village on the City of Hope campus. We have chosen to stay there. That means we are separated from friends, bible study, serving, house chores, projects and just the comforts of home. So, what is this isolation about? What is God trying to get across to us?

Another part of this seems more compelling now. That is a loss of control. During the first full week, the plan was to see the radiation team Monday and the oncology team on Wednesday. Radiation would continue daily through the week. All that changed on Wednesday, after a blood draw, it was decided to stop radiation and begin hydration. On Friday, after a blood draw, it was decided to stop hydration and give me two transfusions, one of platelets and one of two units of blood. I use the term, it was decided because we just showed up, did the blood draw and people told us what to do. We had nothing to do with the decisions. We could have said no, but that doesn't make sense when those who are making the decisions have your best interest in mind. Therefore, a week that was supposed to have five radiation treatments and a lot of free time immediately turned to hours in the clinics, many blood draws, and no real movement toward finishing the radiation routine. We had no control.

So is the isolation about letting go of what we call home and seeing it in a different light, perhaps as a refuge, or is it about control? I don't know. Maybe it's something else. Lee and I have talked a lot these last few weeks about the reason for the radiation, it’s a danger, but the fact is, we don't really have much choice. The cancer grew rapidly without chemotherapy. To live much longer there has to be an aggressive move on our part to get control again. Was the last week a way of showing us how aggressive that move is? Are there strongholds, or idols, that we must let go of before we can gracefully move to where God wants us? Does getting control of the disease mean losing control of our choices?

So many questions and so few answers. There is more isolation. With last week going the way it did there are still four weeks at City of Hope. That assumes that we will do what we are supposing we will do. It may be longer.

To me, isolation reminds me of "time out." When a child is not doing what should be done, a parent or teacher may put them in "time out." If it is done properly, the child is told why they are being put there, what to think about and then some dialogue after the "time out." Done well, it can be an effective tool for most children. Done improperly, a child is sent to "time out" then returned to normal activity with no input. The child can decide the reasons without parental input. Parents might be surprised what a child thinks is the problem.

We are not that different. If God puts us in isolation with no clue as to why, we might come out of it with very little of His agenda completed. In a way, God does do that. He doesn't sit us down, explain the problem, and ask us to meditate then talk it out later. What He does do however, is give us mirrors. We must be sensitive to the mirrors and not break them when they tell the truth.
God's word is the best mirror, but to use it we need to look at it. Not just a glance here or there, but really scrutinize the image we see in comparison to God's word.

Each of us should have people around us who are honest about who we are. Husbands and wives seem likely, but are sometimes not honest. A close friend or ministry leader may be more valuable.

Then there are the faces of the people with which we deal. As this isolation at the City of Hope began, a problem in communication became apparent. Lee, my husband, put on his police officer persona and went to get it straightened out. Once we were talking to the right person, it was clear that fear and tension was her response to Lee's directness. So at that point, we stopped all professional talk, let the nurse know that we were not angry, and did not blame her. We may have been direct, but now that someone was helping us, we were not an enemy, though at that moment we might have been a poor witness. Her countenance changed and she tried very hard to help us. It is not the goal of a Christian to make others fear you, but when you are fighting for control, it may happen. Maybe fighting for control is an idol God is trying to rip out of our hands.

At this point, there can be so many things. Attachments to things here, fear, control, lack of trust. We don't know exactly why we are in isolation, but we are sure that as we continue to stay close to each other, God's word and prayer, God will let the mirror tell us what He wants us to know.

Please pray for us these next few weeks. This is not easy and it makes it difficult to minister to others. We love you all and need to stay in touch with you. Please write.
With all my love:
Marj.