To my dear friends:
There is in all things a variety of perspectives. Each of us interprets an event, object, or action by our own way of thinking and often has great difficulty seeing it in any other way. When I was of elementary age, we lived across the street from an elementary school. Our family had as many as four kids in that school at any one time and our neighbors to the left had at least as many. Behind us were a few more and so on. Our yards were measured in acres so a blocks worth of kids was for us, an entire community. There was little money for store-bought toys, but the parents saw to it that we each had a pair of clip on skates. This made the elementary school an ideal place to skate with sidewalks and asphalt. The school was built in a circle so we had an oval sidewalk track with grass in the center. We would go there and play "Roller Derby" as often as possible.
One day, some educator decided that fencing was necessary around schools. We thought our fun was over, but the principal of the school knew us and chose to have the front gates of iron raised to eighteen inches above the ground. "Roller Derby" continued.
Our parents liked it because they knew where to find us and injuries were minor; cuts, bruises, and concussions. We loved it because there were no adults. Arguments were settled kid's ways. When you were tired, you could fall on the grass in the middle of the circle and soak up the sweet smell of it. The Principal liked it because she had control over us. If we got out of line or there were too many marks on the walls or doors from our skates, she knew she could talk to ma and it would be tempered. It also created a great respect between the Principal and me. She taught me diplomacy.
I was a lousy student and more trouble than any principal needed. I got in fights, designed chaos and then sat back to watch it happen. She knew I was responsible for more trouble on campus than she could pin on me. She also knew that I stole food because I was hungry and didn't wear shoes because I only had one pair and I needed to save them for sports. She knew my strengths and my weaknesses. We were friends who greatly respected each other's power.
She would tell me when the "Roller Derby" was out of control, as you would tell an adult. She would explain how others saw it. I was given the right to control our activity. Though not the oldest in the group, I was the leader. She called me into her office one day and told me, in tears, that she was moving to another school. I saw the action as friendship. The whole school would know in two more days.
That summer we also moved and I finished the sixth grade at her "new" school. We stood side by side and cried when a jet fighter crashed at the Junior High School next door to our school. Ten kids were killed; we both knew we would know them. I think this principal saw the adult in me long before anyone else and respected it even when the kid was blatantly childlike.
The new school could not have roller derby, it was built wrong, and the gates were low and locked. We had sidewalks and streets and the clip on skates had been nailed to boards to become a new kind of toy. That season was over and the woman that treated me with kindness, respect, and fairness had shaped my future.
We go through seasons to prepare us for something. That season was to prepare me, thirty years later, to be a dean of students at a middle school for ten years. I hope that the kids I dealt with there, walked away with the same sense of value and fairness that I felt from this woman.
My cancer is now moving into a new season also. For the majority of April I will receive radiation treatments at the City of Hope. We will live in the village, on City of Hope's campus, from Monday through Friday. Weekends will be spent at home pulling things back together and getting ready to repeat the experience the next week. It will be both a quiet time and a busy time. When we are at the village, there is little to do and then when we are home there is too much to do. The unknown is how I will respond to the radiation and how easily I will be able to communicate with work. Somehow, I will work out a system. We always go with an understanding that we just need to let the details fall into place and not get too pushy about what we want.
I wonder what God is trying to teach us. There is always something and I am excited about that. I also know that there is some fear also for even my dreams reflect a lack of control. Not in what God will do because, whatever He does will be for my benefit, but it may not be easy for me. My fear comes more from my inability to handle being handled. This is not always an easy life. Occasionally you want to kick up your heels and say NO! That truly makes no sense, these people are working like crazy to keep me alive, but at times, I get tired. Now we are starting a routine that will affect every part of my life, even worship time and study time. I have not resigned myself to it. I need to. I know that God will take me to a new place. This season will end and another begin. I will be different. If I stay close to God, it will be good.
Please pray for us during this time. It could be dangerous and it could be simple. Help us to make it easy on everyone. Help us to witness to others with our lives and our words. Help us to give others the respect and self-respect they need to do better in this world.
With all my love
Marj
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