Thinking of God and Cancer - May 22, 2006

To My Dear Friends:
On my way home, the other day, I was blessed with the beauty of our desert. You have to live here a while to see it. The mornings are gorgeous. There is a farm next to our house which adds a lot of green during the brown times. The mountains 50 miles away are a majestic purple-blue, clouds billow in the sky and the red of an evening sunset creeps from the East. God has painted our world and given us a desire for what He has painted.

The day had been satisfying at church and I was thinking, God why now? You have taken me from a time when I didn’t want to live on this earth to a very exciting life and ministry with many people I love, not the least of whom is my husband. Now You have me fighting cancer, looking at a possible destiny. I truly don’t understand your timing. It is good to have a God who is not offended by such questions. I clearly see God’s hand in this entire cancer experience. He has dropped me into the hands of extremely capable doctors who relate well to me and my husband. We have the insurance we need to treat this disease. I have the time because I am retired. I know I am going to heaven so I do not fear death. I have the ability to stay pretty well off while taking chemotherapy. All of these are from God and they have kept me at ease. I even think I know the answer to “why now?”. The answer is “why not now”?

Look at all that is right about the timing. Just because God has made my life joyous does not give me the right to hold it tightly. We are told in scripture not to hold tightly to this world. In Job 8 it says: ”Everything they count on will collapse. They are leaning on a spider web. They cling to their home for security, but it won't last. They try to hold it fast, but it will not endure”. No, we are not made to hate this world but we are not to count on it either. We are to count on God. He is to be our strength and our foundation. It is God who will decide when we go home to heaven. We must understand that it is very important to Him that we have a right relationship with Him. To do that I can honor what He has created and enjoy it but I must not become attached to it. One day it will become ash. I will see that day either first hand or from heaven. I will see a new earth that will outdo anything we have now. I must be patient.

So, how does all this relate to now. On Friday I go in for a biopsy or surgery depending on the pathology of the biopsy. Each time we look at a new step in this disease, I am reminded that we are not done with this disease. I remember that I am vulnerable to disease, fear, anger, confusion, frustration and sin. They could easily become a part of my life but God has given me a spirit of thanksgiving, joy and peace. If I am complacent then sin and fear can easily take the place of joy and peace. I need to be diligent in doing the will of God. When I do that, thanksgiving, joy and peace come from within and cover every possible fear or question.

Why now? Because it is the right time. As is everything that God orchestrates. He is in control. I need not fear, fret or fight.

Thank you, Jesus.

Please pray for me and Lee as we start this next phase. We wish for your prayers for a safe trip to Duarte and the City of Hope. We desire that the surgeons and specialists find what they need to find and are sure of the treatment. Pray for a miracle. What ever that may be. Pray that we would be a witness and give glory to God during this time.

Thank you, I love you,

Marj.