To my dear friends:
This has been a good three weeks and as we think about going back to Duarte, I have no idea of what to expect. I have been stronger and in less pain this time then at any other time. For the first time, I did not need a shot to bring my red blood cells back up to normal this third week. God has done some very nice things this session. My health has allowed Lee and I to work hard during this time and we feel like we have done what we needed to do to leave again for another week. I know that this has been God’s work. I was getting very weary of the process. It seemed like no matter the symptom, there was always something. Much of it was little stuff that you could ignore if you stayed busy; others were too uncomfortable or painful and required all things to stop. I needed a break, needed to feel normal again for a while. God has provided that. We have used it to our advantage, even going out to lunch with friends, which we have not done much of this season.
Monday starts a new session. I don’t know what to expect. I feel very good and would like to think that will make things go better. Historically, that has not been the case. I don’t know if God just gave me this last session off or if he has caused a new healing in me that will sustain me through these last two sessions. I can only wait and see. The pragmatic side of me does not want the idealist side of me to get out of control so it continually tells me that history won’t repeat itself. I don’t know that that is true. God could very easily make this an easy treatment, but he doesn’t have to. I will still love Him and depend on Him.
We will spend Thanksgiving at the City of Hope. Since we don’t usually plan for a Thanksgiving thing it doesn’t much matter to us. Thursday is the beginning of my hard days. I will have treatment from 4:00 to 7:00 pm. That will allow me to enjoy most of the day then come back to the room watch some terrible movie and go to sleep. Friday will be late also so Lee will just guide me to the car, lean my seat back and let me sleep the way home. I will go to bed and then get up Sunday morning, officially. From there things will get better. If it is like the last one, it will get better quickly; if it is typical it will take a week and a half to really get better. Which ever way it goes, I know the territory and know I will survive it. For that reason I think I am eager to start this fifth treatment. I will be one closer to being done.
Many of you who read these letters also have cancer and are going through treatments and surgeries that make my experience pale into the background. I pray that you are holding on to God with all that you have. That when you doubt, as I do, that you turn to scripture and reground yourself. If you are too sick to read, ask some one else to read to you. You must surround yourself in God’s holy promises. Don’t try to do this alone. I don’t really think cancer is about surviving. I think it’s about living the best that you can. We were not put on this earth to serve ourselves. We must take care of ourselves but only to the extent that it does not take our focus off of Christ. Cancer can drive your focus to the daily things. It will make you try to hold on to this world much too hard because of all the time you have invested in the fight. Don’t go there.
Your eternal life is far more important than the short time you will spend here on earth. This is just practice. You will spend eternity somewhere. That means, no matter what, there is one more day. Now if that is in heaven, Halleluiah. But if that eternity is in hell, then one more day is terrible. Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven. If He is not Lord of your life and if you have not accepted Him as your Savior, then do it. Don’t let this practice be for a life in hell. This loving God, who heals me daily and protects me from myself, also loves you and wants you in heaven. If that is not your destination, please let me know so that I can pray for you and help you to see that death is a victory not a defeat.
God loves you so very much, I know, because he loves me and I am the least of His possessions. Pray for us as we go back down to Duarte. Pray that the nurses will be ready and know what they are doing since many of the nurses will be on vacation. Pray that we will be spiritually strong. Pray for the doctors’ wisdom. And finally, pray for each other. Many are not ready for heaven and I am fearful that they will make that journey before me and before they acknowledge Christ as Lord and Savior.
Thank you,
All my love,
Marj
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