God and Cancer: Christmas, Come and Gone

Today is Christmas and we spent the day at home except for a brief excursion to my sister Sandy’s house to reunite with the siblings, Sandy and Carole are my sisters and John my brother. It was good to be with them on this wonderful day in Southern California.

We have finished the last round of in-hospital chemotherapy. We were not able to stay at the City of Hope Village, so we commuted the two hundred miles each day of the week. Thankfully, Lee is a willing driver. Most days we arrived after traffic and went home in the evening. The closer to Christmas the more complex the commute, but basically, it was fine. We were more tired and Lee realized that he liked being isolated at the hospital when we were in the village. He could get more uninterrupted rest. The lack of real quality rest has affected both of us as the chemo hit me hard this time. I am now on the last round of oral chemo and it is not being nice. Maybe because it is the holiday and I am not as busy so I sense more and dread each pill long before I take it. Staying busy helps to forget how I feel. The pain should all start to ease off by Saturday. From that point on, there will be no chemo. I can let my body try to rebuild itself. We will meet with the doctors after a CT scan on the fifth of February. That will become the baseline for any more decisions.

This has been a good Christmas. God has kept me in the thick of things and ministered to me in ways I never expected. Many of you have written cards or just given me hugs at church. It is so much easier to live with this stuff when you know that people care about you. It looks like we are ending a chapter but the book is not entirely written, so don’t shut it yet. Continue to pray for healing and strength. We are now in uncharted waters, actually we always were, but the lack of active participation makes me feel so vulnerable. I will need the faith and healing that only God can give and I know He responds to your prayers. Thank you for your prayers and care

Marj

Random Thoughts

February 17, 2010
Today I have turned 63. That may not seem like much but I will spend the day with surgeons and oncologists. This has become a way of life. Some don't understand the joy that I have but at least I am here to spend this day. That is a miracle.
February 17, 2009
Today is my birthday. Who would have thought? I will spend it working then visiting the homes of people new to our church. Can't think of a better way to spend it. I never thought I would see 60 and now I am 62. God has been very good.
February 5, 2009
It's been raining for two days and I have cabin fever. Stuck inside and no creativity. I keep planning to get outside and work because everything I do is outside. I put on my outside clothes and wait. It still rains. Oh well. We need the rain. I just wanted to tell you that the tumors have shrunk. The doubling of the chemo has had some positive effect on the tumors. Those I can palpate, are smaller and the side effects from the other tumors has decreased. The down side is that it is also lowering my blood counts so I am anemic and that makes it hard to work physically hard. If it keeps raining, who would know? Just wanted to say Hi. Love, Marj.

December 25, 2008
This has been a good Christmas in many ways but it has brought up an interesting side thought. I feel responsible for the grief my death will cause. I have already grieved my death and am on the other side but others have not. I think of my husband and many close friends who have not stepped back from a dying friend. They are my lifeline and I love them but I cannot fix this. They will have to grieve in their time. I must let God do it when it is time. I know He has done it for me.
December 5, 2008
I am off chemo for a week. (my idea). Then will start back at twice the strength. Many of the tumors in the abdomen have stayed stable in the last two months but some have grown 25%. Those that we can feel, and are growing, seem to be growing a cystic growth that may not be cancer. No one seems to know if that is what the body does to protect itself or if it is pre cancerous. In any event, the stuff that makes me sick we will continue at twice the rate. Hmmmmm.
November 17, 2008
I was reading of the crucifixion of Christ today and was struck with how Christ could see the redemption of the cross and overlook the offense of the cross. As I look at my own life I realize how easily I look at the offense, or assumed offense. I do not automatically see the redemption or forgiveness. I do not see the good in the thing. I see the offense. It is easy for me to see the offense of cancer but hard to see the redemptive quality. This is where I must focus.
November 15, 2008
It has been an interesting week. My digestive system has stopped me from any evening activity all week. These are the ministries that I think define me. I am surprised at the ease of giving in to my body. I am not depressed or angry. God has graced me during this week. The time with Lee has been sweet. I will try to minister next week. Marj.

God and Cancer

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Christmas, Come and Gone - December 26, 2006

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