To my dear friends:
In my lifetime, it seems that whenever possible, we have had dogs. Never more than three but rarely one. I don't know why we have dogs because they are casual acquaintances with us. They stay outside and we in. We make contact with them three or four times a day and they are our steady companions when in the back yard. We train them in basic commands and how to walk with us but that is only so that we can have a positive experience with them without much discipline. The two dogs we have now are normal dogs. The Golden Lab is a runt and catches birds, chickens, peacocks, ravens, etc. The Rottweiler eats whatever the lab catches, but never catches them herself. They seem happy with this arrangement.
I mention my dogs because I was thinking about the dogs that I have loved the most. Those dogs have been the abnormal dogs. We had an Akita that ran like the wind, stood taller than the windows, loved people and killed anything with four legs. We finally had to put him down before he started killing two legged mammals. I also had a black longhaired shepherd. I call it mine because Lee never liked it. It was crazy, I will admit. He was never a dog that I feared but anyone else should have. He was beautiful and never out of energy.
Whenever we talk of our dogs, and that is rare, we talk about the strange ones. The normal dogs are not remembered. The normal ones stayed in the yard, went on camping trips with us, gave us much love and companionship, and generally did what dogs do.
Normalcy is not very remarkable. It is what we expect but it is not what we strive for. Sometimes the normal is forgotten or ignored. Like my dogs, the normal ones are left in the back yard to do what they want and generally entertain themselves. It is only when they become remarkable to someone else, that they get attention.
We are not that different with people. I am embarrassed to say that but I think it is true. The people who get attention are the abnormal. People who do not think straight. People with problems of health, wealth, or understanding are those to whom we give our attention. Normal people, however you define that, are called upon to help, to converse with when you meet them or just people you know. In fact, we would not marry if we didn't find a normal person and see something special in that person.
Presently, I am back in the realm of normalcy. I am not sick. I am not dying any more than the rest of us. I am happy and I am not fearful. I am normal. I still have cancer and that has become a normal part of me. Only Lee gets to know the daily stuff that colors my life as abnormal. And, like my dogs, I don't get the attention I got when I was abnormal.
There is a tension to this situation. I like the normalcy and the lack of attention because I can spend more time doing what I want to do. Much of that includes counseling others, working at the church, being creative and working at the house. I can focus on others, think of them in my quiet times, and pray for them without losing my focus. I have had time to start the process of rebuilding my body and gaining strength. All of these are good things and things I longed for when I was abnormal.
Then there is the lack of attention. I disliked that aspect, not because it made me feel special, because, in fact, it made me feel wrong much of the time. But, it was attention. People cared about how I was feeling and what was happening. I tired of conversations that only included health problems, but they were conversations.
Just like my abnormal dogs. I needed more attention and I got that. Now, I don't need it but I miss it. Don't misunderstand, I am not lonely, nor have I lost the specialness of the relationship with my husband and many others. It is just that life has become normal and I am not used to it. I know that in Jesus' eyes, I am not normal and He will keep me going quite well. I have good friends that give me way more than I give back. I just need to adjust my identity.
I think this tension between normalcy, abnormality, and invisibility is what keeps some people abnormal. I'm not speaking of the chronic or congenital illnesses of some, but of the ones I know who always have a problem and can never say that life is good. People who have found energy and attention in abnormality. I can see how that happens to them.
I remember when I was first saved. I had a long background of being abused and abusing alcohol. I was the kind of person of which testimonies were made. Due to my speaking ability, I became a speaker and my testimony became my identity. But, I knew I was changing. I was no longer abused; God had found protection for me. I was no longer abusing alcohol or any other substance, God had fulfilled that for me. I wanted to lose that identity and become normal. It wasn't easy because many wanted to take me back to relate my testimony, others were watching for failure and I just wanted to be that dog left in the back yard to do my thing.
When I finally achieved a place where my testimony was my life, I became normal and left to do what I wanted. I enjoyed that. God and I worked out a productive life for me and I relaxed into a routine.
Then the cancer arrived. I moved back into the light. The backyard was not where God wanted me. For a season, I needed to move into the world of abnormality. I understood His plan and found great strength in the purpose He gave me. I do not see that ending even with this time of normality. There is plenty for me to do or God would have taken me home a while ago. I just need to get used to normal.
Will you pray for a normal person? I still need that. I do still have cancer and as long as I do, there is danger. I still have problems daily and need to medicate those problems. I still need to trust God with my life and cares daily, with or without cancer. I still care about you. Normalcy is not so bad. Praise God.
With all my love, Marj
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