To my friends:
Today, we are enjoying a warm fall day. Warm, meaning the high was about eighty degrees and that only lasted about an hour. The morning started at about 45 degrees. The days are short so it is all the sun can do to create a warm day this time of year. This is not my favorite time. I love the summer; the days are long and hot. There is time to work and time to rest. In the fall, you must work cold and not take a rest because you will run out of day.
However, my yard loves the fall. The roses are in bloom all around the yard. With more than a hundred, I would guess that at least eighty of them have beautiful blooms right now. The blooms last longer and are not fried by the heat. I can see the color schemes planned when I planted them and it makes me happy. Mixed with the sensation of extravagant color is the steady beauty of the lawn. Deep green and well manicured, it lends a sense of peace and keeps the rabbits busy so that they don't munch on the roses.
Our front yard is one lavishness we have allowed ourselves. It is functional, beautiful, and easy to maintain. It has cost us much time to achieve but each day as I sit in the office I can look out and see life at its best. I really find great joy just seeing God's creation before me.
My life right now is similar to the front yard. I am in a quiet flourishing time. More than a month ago, we stopped the chemotherapy to allow my bone marrow to rebuild. The heat of the Cytoxin has ended and my body has moved into its fall season. The blood is rebuilding and the tumors are not growing at a worrisome rate. It is a good time physically, cool nights and warm days. Time to rebuild physically and mentally.
There is a problem with such a sweet time as this. It is easy to try to stand on your own two feet and forget how you are supported. I don't know why it is, but as soon as life becomes easy, God becomes less and I become more. I hate this and fight constantly so that does not happen, yet, it does. God, however, knows my tendency and works to keep me close.
Positively, He has me teaching a bible study right now. I considered not doing this in the fall because it is a busy time and women have to give to their family rather than a study. God saw the need, not only for the women in the study but also for me. It takes many hours a week to bring a good study to these ladies each week. That effort keeps me close to God. The ladies are very bright women who challenge and question quickly. This also keeps me searching for the truth of God's word. This study has been very positive for me and I find that God obviously orchestrated it for the fall season of this disease.
Negatively, though maybe positively, the change in drugs has left me emotional. That makes everything seem like it's under a magnifying glass. Small things become big and non- existent chaos becomes very real. I realize this and often go to my husband, the Word, or a trusted friend to make sure I am thinking right. It is very difficult to discern this for myself. Thankfully, the people I work with at church understand and listen to me then help me sort it out. Otherwise, I would be a burden to them also.
God is slowing that reaction down and I feel a sense of relief as long as the tensions of deadlines do not press me. I need time to be studying scripture, praying and talking to fellow Christians. I really don't think cancer has much to do with it. We all need that.
Thank you for your prayers and interest. I often get notes and emails just when I need them. You are a constant support to me as God uses you to enhance my life. I am a very blessed person. Please continue to pray for healing. God has not chosen that path yet but He may. Also, pray that my mind will stay clear and that the tumors will stay inactive. I would like to know what is going on in your life. You are of concern to me or I would not be sending this out to you. Please write and let me know how I can pray for you.
All my love, Marj.
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